Hello bleeps.
According to Wikipedia: Survivor, survivor’s, or survivor’s guilt or syndrome is a mental condition that occurs when a person perceives themselves to have done wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not. It may be found among survivors of combat, natural disasters, epidemics, among the friends and family of those who have committed suicide, and in non-mortal situations such as among those whose colleagues are laid off.
I have been thinking for quite a while about writing something on this. The transition I have undergone from infertile to pregnant. I haven’t stopped feeling the same feelings I’ve had through infertility (and I don’t expect them to ever go away) but there is a part of me that feels just plain awful for those that do not have my success right now. And there is another part of me that is just plain happy and grateful. I sway between these states and acknowledge the validity of both feelings, until I find my happy medium. The place where I acknowledge my hard won pregnancy while still having compassion for those who are still working towards it.
The truth is ? I am done with suffering.
I have been through enough years of disappointments and enough is enough. I am just so glad to get to this place the joy is just radiating from me. It has been such a long hard road I feel entitled to some happiness.
This is my moment, dammit. So why can’t I fully appreciate it?
Because four people have hit the unsubscribe link since I announced my pregnancy. I can totally understand how my gushing over my baby bag goodies would make an infertile want to puke. I would probably do the same. And I feel for them.
Because I still read infertility blogs of people still struggling. And some of them even share how tough it is when infertiles find a way to get that baby, and they are left behind. Keiko wrote a post on this.
Because there is a part of me that really wants to help the infertility community. And how can I truly do that when I’m not where they are?
So how does one balance the joy of finally making it to pregnancy, and sharing that experience while still appreciating the people who just are not there yet? Or maybe never will be?
The answer, as Mel so aptly put it this week, is complicated. But I have to hand it to Mel, especially after learning that she only started blogging after her twins were born. She really has brought the infertility community together, and seems to have well achieved that balance of writing both about her children as well as infertility issues.
Lots of other IF bloggers have written about this topic.
In this excellent in-depth article, Iris Waichler,